This is the third of my blog articles about the GOALS OF PARENTING, which lay the foundation for you to raise a child; and we continue to explore what it takes to parent a child so that they will be well-mannered, confident, reliable, caring, conscientious and a person of faith.

This article looks at Goal #2:  Trustworthy 

A trustworthy individual, honest in all their dealings, can be counted on to do what they say they will do, and understands personal integrity so that they are trusted by others.  Being trustworthy is a foundational element of any meaningful relationship and is required to find true success and happiness with oneself. 

If you think about the relationships in your life, it is always the people that you trust that you enjoy the most and can rely on. There can be no real meaningful relationship, no enjoyable work environment, no intimacy if there isn’t trust.

Teaching a child to be trustworthy of course starts with the parents being trustworthy, both in your dealings as an adult with all your adult relationships as well as being trustworthy with your child.  Children learn so very much from watching their parents; so, it is imperative that parents model how they are trustworthy by the way they deal with their adult friends, other family members, work relationships and in social interactions.  Trust me on this:  children see, hear and know so much more than you could ever believe.  And if you are not being honest with others, if you are manipulating and telling ‘little white lies’, your child will see and they will know this.

Secondly, teaching a child to be trustworthy requires that you help your child in being honest with you.  Now my warning is that many a parent will discourage, embarrass and beat on a child’s self-esteem trying to teach them to be honest and trustworthy.  You often see this in films as well, where a parent demands “Don’t you lie to me!” and whips, or taunts or demeans a child trying to get a confession of the truth.  DON’T GO THERE!

Kids get nervous, anxious and really scared at times, especially when they have done something they shouldn’t have done, such as hide a problem or lie about something to you.  Generally speaking, we all go through this in growing up, and not getting caught is a natural response.  So, as parents, our compassion needs to first and foremost be focused on our child’s feelings, and then secondly on getting to the truth.  And of course, you may not always get to the truth, but your child can sure know that you are waiting for it and will be patient until they are ready to tell you.

The best way to be sure that your child is going to tell you what is going on in their lives is to have meaningful conversations with them, starting at the very beginning of their lives.  I say beginning, because I had more than a few parents come to me in counseling complaining that their preteen or teenager never told them anything about their friends, activities or school happenings, only to find out that they never really had meaningful conversations with their children through all their years of growing up.  It’s a little late to think a preteen or teenager is going to share things with you if you haven’t been sharing all along.

Although families seem to always be in a rush these days, solid conversations over meals, at bedtimes, etc. are essential to have on a very regular basis.  Make a habit of having these conversations often as best fits the family schedule, but don’t put them off.  Be available to your child and consider this an essential!  It may not always be the best timing for you but be clear that if a child is ready to talk it may not happen again on whatever subject that is on their mind, if you wait.  NEVER miss an opportunity 

And talk to your child about being trustworthy.  Explain to them, having repeated discussions throughout the years, the importance of being trustworthy and describe what it means.  Talk about being authentic, compassionate, unselfish, truthful, kind and consistent. And that to live by the motto, ‘Say what you mean, mean what you say, and do what you say you will do’ is a worthy goal for all people. 

For any of us to be trustworthy, it is easiest if we learn from the beginning of our lives into adulthood the joys, the happiness, and the self-satisfaction that comes from being an authentic and trustworthy individual.